Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
