I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
