The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
