just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Found your dick twin last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
