I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
