God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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