Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
