girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
