Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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