Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
