I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
