i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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