There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
