Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
