I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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