Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
