I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
