I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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