Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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