my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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