I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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