Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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