Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
