The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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