I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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