if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
