found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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