I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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