all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
