Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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