the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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