I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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