Im at strip club and am horny
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
