I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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