I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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