I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
