That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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