What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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