I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
