Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's the barista slut.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
