I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
