Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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