I got chris browned last night
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
