when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
