you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
