im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just gargled with NyQuil
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
