Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
