you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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