I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
