"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
