Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
